The Parody
by Bing Bong
Summary: Parody of the Half Blood Prince. Crazy, insane, weird, random, jelly, ornange juice, fried chicken, drabble, birds of a feather blah blah blah
1. The Other Minister Dies

**THE OTHER MINISTER DIES**

DISCLAIMER: I own so much stuff and would like to own more stuff. I want an i-pod and chocolates and a life time supply of tango. But, I don't own Harry Potter.

"The Ex-Prime Minister wishes to arrange a meeting," exclaimed the butt ugly man in the portrait.

"But I'm busy," the Prime Minister replied.

"Preparing for your next speech?" the ugly man asked.

"No not really. Thinking how to ask out my hot secretary," The muggle prime minister replied.

"Well, too bad. Chocolate Fudge is one his way. I only said that he wishes for a meeting to be polite."

Next second, chocolate Fudge came out of the fire place, his robes ablaze.

"Damn it. Forgot the floo powder." Fudge said trying to put the fire out. "Anyway. I just wanted to say that the Dark Lord is back and he's up to no good."

"NO!" cried the muggle prime minister. "What is he up to? Is he murdering people?"

"Worse! He's stealing lottery tickets. His followers also hijacked 37 ice cream vans for him. The ice cream industry is facing a huge loss," said chocolate Fudge. He walked over to the door in order to lock it but his robes fell to the floor.

"Dammit. I knew I shouldn't have trusted that tailor," he said quickly conjuring pink fluffy pajamas and wearing them. "Anyway. I was kicked out for being a totally lousy Minister. The new minister is Rufus Scrimgor. No Scamgeour. No wait. Sceengeer. Ah screw it. Here he is."

Scrimgeour appeared out of the fire place. The muggle minister thought that he looked like a rhinoceros; big, fat and ugly.

"I'm the minister and I will only come to you to give you bad news," he said. "I may look sexy, but I have no girlfriend," he added. "I don't know why I just said that. I'm sorry minister, but I'm going to have to remove your memory. You weren't supposed to know that." He raised his wand performed a spell on the muggle prime minister who fell to the floor.

Chocolate Fudge walked up to him and checked his pulse

"He's DEAD."

"Ah dammit. Screw it. Let's go. Last one to the ministry is a kelpie." Scrimgeour said.

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**_A NOTE FROM ME:_**

_Hey all. What's up…I got the idea to write a parody from CRAZY BOUT REMMY…. This was a short chapter, hopefully the others might be a little longer or if you guys get too bored, I might reduce em. Tell me in my reviews. They will be appreciated. Anyway. I will update within this week and hopefully my next chapters will be funnier. _

_Kruger the stone_

_The stoned stone._


	2. Spitters End

**SPITTER'S END**

"Knock Knock."

"Who's there," came a voice from behind the door.

"Sissy."

"Sissy who?"

"Narsissa you fool. Open up."

"You know, that's like the least funny knock knock joke I've ever heard," Severely Sniped said opening the door allowing Narsissa and Bellytracks to enter.

"Why are we here?" asked Bellytracks. "You know I don't trust him and I hate the great ugly prat."

"I'm standing right here you fool. And what have I done to you to betray your trust?" said Sniped.

"Thirteen years ago on a night like this, I trusted you to go and get me a power-bar. You never came back," said Bellytracks.

"That wasn't me. That was Alan Rickman who's in some movie whose story line is based on Potter."

"Oh yeah. Still, I don't like you."

Narsissa gave an audible sniff.

"And why are you crying?" asked Sniped. "Upset that your sister didn't get a candy bar 13 years ago?"

"No," she said. "Sniped, I need your help."

"Does it include saving your son?" Sniped said.

"Huh?" Sissy said. "Oh yeah, sure, that too. But first, you have to help me solve this puzzle I got from the back of a cereal box. I need to send it to www. cocopops .com before tonight in order to win a coco ice cube maker."

"Worms tail will complete it for you."

Sniped snapped his fingers and worms tail appeared from behind a book shelf.

"Would you like some tea Belly? I made it myself" he asked. "Or maybe a handkerchief? I knitted it myself. The laces are so pretty don't you think? Oh I just love knitting and jewellery and poetry and waterfalls and butterflies and sunshine and lilies and lullabies and babies and bubbles and baubles."

Belly and Sissy looked inquiringly at Sniped.

"Don't ask," said Sniped.

"Hmmmm. Why is this chapter called Spitter's End?"

"Where the hell did that come from?"

"Don't know. Just want to find out. So tell me. Why?"

"Because the author didn't know what else to call it and Spitters was the only thing that made sense and rhymed with Spinners," Snape said.

"What? That's pathetic. So many things rhyme with Spinners; Winners, Dinners, Sinners. And Spitters does not make any sense what so ever."

"Why have we deviated from our discussion?" Snape asked.

"Anyway," said Sissy. "The Dark Lords plan is to kill Dumbledore."

"Aaaaand you just gave away the whole storyline to the readers."

"Screw it. Perform the Breakable Vow quickly so the author can quickly finish this chapter and go for dinner," Sissy demanded.

"Very well. Give me your hand," Sniped said.

Sniped held Sissy's hand while Belly performed the curse.

"I'm alone with two women in my house for the first time and I perform a spell? I'm no player that's for sure." Sniped thought.

Several rope like flames twisted themselves around their hands; the Breakable Vow was complete.

"Well Sniped," said Sissy. "We're going now. I totally used you and I'm not even going say thank you. So bye.Muhahahahahahahhaha and thanks for performing the curse you great grease ball."

"I thought you weren't going to say thanks?" asked Sniped.

"Oh…. Yeah…Crap….."

And with a small pop, both women dissaparated.

"Guess it's just me and you worms tail," said Sniped walking towards worms tail. "Come to me. Come. We shall have fun. Oh worms tail. Do we not look great together? Let us enjoy."

"This parody is seriously messed up."

A/N:

**Ola all.. alright. I didn't have time to make this chapter more interesting and funny cuz I have family dinners and parties this whole week. So hopefully my next chapter will be better. Thanks to all my reviewers :**

**CristiPotter**

**Alphapolitan**

**AOK 1992**

**EmO-pEaNuT-bUtTeR-cUp (ilovemcfly) ;)**

**There ya go. Next chapter will be up within this week. Thanks for reviewing.**

**Kruger the water**

**The holy unholy water (that didn't make a lick of sense)**


	3. Bill And Dont

**BILL AND DON'T**

Harry heard the bell ring and ran downstairs to find Doubledork standing on the doorstep.

"NO WE DON'T WANT NO BLOODY SHERBET LEMONS," bellowed uncle Vermont.

"Your loss," Doubledork said calmly and entered. He turned to find Harry standing on the foot of the stairs.

"Aaaah, Harry. Why are you wearing pink pajamas? And did you receive my letter about me coming tonight? He asked.

"They're not pink, they're dark red. Goddamn it why is everybody colour blind? And no professor, I did not receive your owl," Harry said.

"Aaaah yes. I thought so. Reminder to self; never send an owl after you've smoked up. I had a feeling I sent the letter to a Larry Popper."

He and Harry entered the living room where Uncle Vermont, Aunt Petty-Tuna and Dud-lie were all standing. Dumbledore flicked his wand casually; one of the Duh-sleaze sofas zoomed towards them, the microwave disconnected itself and flew straight at Dud-lie, the refrigerator bounced away through the back door into the lawn, several lamps came hurtling towards Aunt Petty-Tuna, the T.V started rolling on the carpet, the willow table started barking and the computer banged into Uncle Vermont's knee.

"Whoops. Guess I'm still a little tipsy," said Doubledork. "Anyway Harry. Serious's will was found from his toilet yesterday."

"Did he leave me everything he had?" asked Harry eagerly.

"No, not really. He said that this bill should be given to you. Its how much you've cost him," Doubledork said. "He also gave you creature."

Doubledork snapped his fingers and Creature the house elf appeared screaming

"DON'T, DON'T, DON'T, DON'T, DON'T!"

"Doesn't he mean WONT?" Harry asked.

"He does, but then the chapter wouldn't be called Bill and DON'T and therefore this wouldn't be a parody," Doubledork said.

"Now Harry, let us step into the night and pursue that flighty temptress adventure," he added.

"What?"

"Ermmm. Lets get going innit?"

"Sir. Did you just say innit?" asked Harry.

"Ummmmm. Yeah. Lets end this chapter why don't we?"

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	4. Borace SnailShorn

**BORACE SNAILSHORN**

Harry and Doubledork left number 4 Pivot Dive and Harry saw that Doubledorks right hand had gone all weird; it kept changing colours. Harry felt slightly nauseous watching it change rapidly from blue to green to yellow and so on.

"Sir, what happened to your hand? Why is it so colourful?" Harry asked.

"Oh, this?" Doubledork asked raising his hand. "I'm not going to tell you because I'm a great prat. I can tell you right here right now but I'm not going to. Instead I'm going to act all mature and tell you 35 chapters later. Till then I'll just say some crap dialogue like "It is a great story. I wish to do it justice." Anyway. Here we are. Professor Snail-Shorns house. I'm going to the bathroom. You convince him to come to hogwash."

They entered and Doubledork ran into the toilet. Prof. SnailShorn was a fat ugly guy whose belly popped out of his shirt.

"Nothing you say is going to make me come to hogwash. You hear me? NOTHING!" he said.

"Even if I told you that you get free food? And when I say free food, I mean fried chicken?" Harry said.

"I'm coming," drooled SnailShorn.

Ten minutes later Harry and Doubledork were outside the Burrow. Doubledork led Harry inside a broom cupboard.

"Harry. I was supposed to give you a lecture on how I'm proud of you and other things which I can't be bothered to say. Also, the author is dead tired and wants to go to sleep and is ending the chapter very quickly."

Harry went inside and Mr.Weasel came after a while.

"What's your life ambition?" asked Mrs.Weasel.

"To find out how King Kong beat Harry Potter 4 and how jelly always wobbles,"came Mr.Weasels voice from behind the door.

Harry went to his room after finishing dinner and fell asleep.

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A/N:

OK this isn't a new chapter but I realized that I had mixed 2 chapters into 1 so I just added them….hi to all my reviewers :

CRISTIPOTTER

MAGICAL WHO

SATAN JUNIOR

ALPHAPOLTAN

HP4EVER

EMO PEANUT BUTTER CUP


	5. An Excess Of Spit

**An Excess Of Spit**

Harry woke up to find his two best friends Ron and Hermione already in the room.

"Finally up are you. You drool like a maniac. Anyway, what did you do with Doubledork yesterday?" asked Ron.

"Oh, nothing. It's private and personal," replied Harry.

"Aaaah. It's ok. I expected this day to come."

"No. It's not like that. He's going to give me some private lessons this year, that's all."

"I rest my case."

Harry told them both about Doubledork telling him about how he had a chance; how he could win the battle. He felt warmth spread through him. It might be because his two best said that they would be on his side or maybe because Ron had set his robes on fire.

"Heheheheheheeeee," giggled Ron while Harry ran around the room his head ablaze.

At that moment, Flower Delay-Korn walked in.

"Aaaalooo Hairy."

"You're supposed to be French, not weird." Said Harry.

"Ah yas. Butttt thee author is maaaking meee saaound like theees. Anyvase, I am gating married to Bill (sounds like Phill :S ….. ? ). Everyone here calls meee SPIT and eye haff no salf respect so I also kall myself that."

She kept blabbering on and on and Harry realized that he had gotten an owl; it was his result. He opened it.

SUBJECT GRADE

Astrology: The weird skies Y

Care of stupid creatures O

Charms: and arms U

Defense against the Arts: Protection against pencils and crayons S

Dividation: No more multiplication T

Geography of Magic I

Potions: AKA Chemistry N

Transfiguration K

Note: The grades were awarded when the headmaster Doubledork had drunk three jugs of margarita.

Harry was rather pleased with his report because he's a stupid git (no offense to all you readers). Hermione had achieved top grades and was running around naked in the Weasles garden singing The Real Slim Shady at the top of her voice. Ron was agog.

"Hominah hominah hominah" he said.

Harry realized he had a slim chance of becoming an Aurorour. It was funny, he realized, that a senor phsycopath retarded lunatic had once suggested this profession to him.

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A/N:

Hey all. Here's a chapter for all of you.. I realize that I mixed 2 chapters up an so I corrected them.. sorry for the inconvenience. I know I said that I will update by sat, but I got ill… well here you go. Enjoy. Thnx to all my reviewers.

CRISTIPOTTER

MAGICAL WHO

SATAN JUNIOR

ALPHAPOLTAN

HP4EVER

EMO PEANUT BUTTER CUP

Kruger the sharpener.

The crayon sharpener.


	6. DakeOh's Detour

**Palfoy's Detour**

Harry remained at the Burrow for the rest of his remaining holidays where he spent as much time as he could staring covertly at Ginny as well as drinking bottles of vodka with Ron. Every now and then people would come and give bad news that was happening almost daily.

"Karkaroff's body was found in a snooker club. He was killed after he beat You-Don't-Know-Who in snooker match despite a 30 point lead."

"There were a couple of dementedor attacks this weeks."

"Zelga Dwayne was murdered by the Breath Eaters after she refused to tell them how much a Cornetto was for."

"Lots of mug-geels were abducted by You-Don't-Know-Who for cloning research."

"I like stew."

"Where the hell did that come from and who said that?"

"I don't know. Just felt like saying that. And it's me."

"Who?"

"Actually I don't know who I am since the author hasn't written my name at the end of each of my dialogues."

After a few days, they all went to Diagon Rally. Harry was to be given special security, and they met Hairy-grid at the entrance of the Leaked-Cauldron.

"Waddup gee. How goes life down there in the ghettos of surrey? Been poppin them ex's and bustin all em who mess with the gang of the hood? Man you tell me an I'll get them boys ready. We be burnin those trees all em twenty fo hours a day oh gee. You temme an I be there with those spinners shinin like a spinner on a ride I got em 18 inch woofers bangin out callin an shoutin to all these swanks on tha street. Ruff Ryders man, g-unit, aftermath, thug love all the way. Lets get those shoot outs ready what say you ol boy? Have a fag. I got these bling blings you see? Now me an ma posse go to east siiiiide ya know? Aint nobody gonna mess with us, we get em gats and all em jacks. Bling Bling!" he said.

"Ermmm. What?" Harry asked.

"Goddamn boy, I aint gonna repeat all that again. Shut up and go into that shop for those clothes and come out ya see. All fresh? All cool. I'ma smoke a joint outside while I wait. Over and Out." He said.

Dake-Oh Palfoy was in the robes shop with his mum.

"Oh my God. I look so sexy in these robes. Seriously, I am hot. Tom Felton does justice to my role in the movie."

"Oh shut up you ugly prat. At least my actor Daniel Radcliffe has got marriage proposals from 15-17 year old chicks," said Harry.

"Mommy. Harry's being mean."

"Wha?"

"Don't you talk to my hot, sexy, stud, amazing son like that," Narsissy said.

And with that, the 2 Palfoys walked out of the shop.

"Oh dear. They didn't even buy the tennis rackets they were looking for," said Madam Falcon.

"But. I thought this shop sold robes," asked Hermione.

"Oh… Oh yeah," said Madam Falcon and with that she disappeared.

"Ermmmmm.. That was kinda random," Ron said.

After that they went to Gred and Forges joke shop. It was amazing but the author won't describe it because he's ill and wants to go to sleep (sue me).

Harry, Ron and Hermione saw Palfoy turn into knock-urn- valley and they followed. He went into Borkin and Buges. They heard him talk to the shop keeper about saving something through the extendable ears and fixing something. After he left, Hermione went into the shop.

"What did that boy want," she asked innocently.

"And why should I tell you?" frowned the owner of the shop.

"Because if you don't, I'll bore you to death with my History notes and then I'll tell you all about the Communist Manifesto (written by Karl Marx)," she said.

"Okay Okay, anything but that. He was telling me to keep the vanishing cabinet safe for him. The Breath Eaters are going to use it to come into Hogwash later on."

"Aaaaand you just gave away the whole storyline to the readers."

Sniped appeared and out of thin air.

"Hey hey hey. Waddya know. I said the exact same thing to Sissy in chapter two."

"Where the hell did you just come from?"

"Oh yeah. Heheheheh," he said. And with that he disappeared like Madam Falcon.

"This chapter keeps getting more and more crazier by the second," said Ron.

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A/N:

Hey all. Well here you go. Chapter 6. Sorry it took long but I was ill and I got a sore throat again right now. I was lisenin to rollin on 20's (lil flip) when I was writing this and I felt all gangsta so I made Hagrid talk like that, and that communist Manifesto thing was because I'm going to have to read it for SOCIOLOGY… yes I take sociology and I might add that I hate it. This chapter was kinda random and I got the idea of people appearing, saying crazy stuff and disappearing from Cristi Potter. So thank you oh crazy Cristi. That's all. Hopefully my next chapter will be out by either tomorrow or next week (yes big difference I know). Anyway that's all from me. Thanks to all my reviewers :

CRISTIPOTTER

MAGICAL WHO

SATAN JUNIOR

ALPHAPOLTAN

HP4EVER

EMO PEANUT BUTTER CUP

OH SNAP I LOVE HARRYPOTTER 4

SALLY

WASHDUP

Especially to Emo peanut butter since she's the only reviewer who's reviewed my other story (The Marauders Diary) as well as this one (no offense to all the others). Goodbye my crazy fools.

Kruger the throat

The Sore Throat


	7. Snail Club

**This chapter is dedicated to my mad mad sister biya.**

**Disclaimer: If J.K Rowling owned a story like this, no-one would read it. **

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**SNAIL CLUB**

Harry and the rest found themselves a compartment in the Hogwash Express.

"Me and Hermione can't come. We have to go to the prefect's compartment," said Ron.

"Oh. Are you going to talk about the new security measures? Or about the new rules and regulations? Or about the new council?" asked Harry.

"Huh? No not really. We're going to play a game of monopoly. The winner gets a free sherbet lemon."

Harry went into the compartment and sat next to Loony who was muttering to herself about inventing a broomstick made of jelly and then she suddenly started beating herself up. Harry was too used to this behavior and in fact joined in. He then got a letter from Prof.Snailshorn.

"Deer Harry and Nebbel. Look, I wrote deer. As in the animal deer. Do I not have a great sense of humor? Laugh Dammit. Anyway. I would like it if you joined me for lunch in my compartment A-3. Admission fee: 15 pounds. And bring your own food. Actually, just come, drop off the food and the fifteen quid and then get lost."

Harry went with Neville to the compartment and found a couple of Slythering boys and Geeny.

"Harry Harry m'boy. Your so skinny and ugly. How the hell did Chow Changy have a crush on you? Ahem. Anyway. This is Corny-Mackladdin, Zabini Biased and Marcus' belly. I'm a stupid fat idiot who likes to think that I'm so hot because I have lots of sources. Although, if I got in a fight, I'd have the crap beaten out of me."

He kept going on and on. He kept telling all of them how much he loved pineapple, how he knew Angelina jolly, how he had jumped from the Eiffel tower three times and lots of other crap. Harry's mind wandered off and he subconsciously started thinking about Peanuts. Now whether he was thinking about Peanuts the food or peanuts the brand of Snoopy, you will never know b/c the author won't tell you.

After 3 hours, Harry finally left with Neville.

"Hey. I'm going into the Slytherings compartment with my visibility cloak. If anyone asks where I am, tell them I had brain hemorrhage after listening to Snailshorn go on and on.

He covered himself with the cloak and entered the compartment where he lay on the luggage rack.

"You know we can see since you're wearing a VISIBILITY cloak?" said Palfoy.

"Oh…. Yeah.. crap."

Blah blah blah. Things go on in the chapter. Blah Blah Blah. The author has just come back from a cricket match. Blah Blah Blah . So he will not type it. Instead he will write blah blah blah.

When the train stopped, Palfoy stunned Harry.

"Now you're gonna pay for what you've done to my father," he said maliciously.

"What you gonna do? Break my nose?" asked Harry.

"Worse! I'm going to tickle you."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

After tickling Harry for a couple of minutes, Palfoy left him in the compartment where Harry lay panting and wheezing.

"Hahhahaha. See you around Potter….or not," he said before closing the door.

Harry couldn't be bothered to get up and open the door and WALK out so instead he fell asleep.

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A/N:

**Heloo all.. okay. This chapter sux I admit. But I'm really tired. I just came back from a cricket match and I'm aching all over and I have another one tomorrow so I thought I'd update for you guys. Thanks to all my reviewers especially to cristi my favourite crazy authoress : ) and emo peanut butter and deppforever07 who were my first few reviewers in the marauders diary. Also Thanks to :**

**MAGICAL WHO**

SATAN JUNIOR

**ALPHAPOLTAN**

**HP4EVER**

**OH SNAP I LOVE HARRYPOTTER 4**

**SALLY**

**WASHDUP**

**Hopefully I will update within this week so keep reviewing. Also thanks to Emo Peanut butter for likin my story so much And cristi for keeping constantly in touch with me,**

**And deppforever for reviewing oh so graciously. **

**See ya.**

**Tc my crazy beloved maniacal faithful reviewers.**

**Kruger the ache**

**The guy with a head ache.**


	8. Sniped Victorious

Harry was woken by Tunks.

"The train is moving. Come on, let's get off."

They jumped off on the platform. Harry noticed that Tunks had changed. Her hair was no longer a vibrant shade of purple, but a mixture of violet, indigo, blue, green, yellow, orange, red, black, white, golden, silver, brown and magenta.

"I'm going to send a patronus to Doubledork to tell him that I've got you."

She waved her wand and a transparent creature erupted from its tip. It had four legs, three ears, seven heads and nine arms and was extremely hairy. It bumped into tree, set off again, tripped and fell into the lake.

"Doesn't matter. I'm sure Doubledork knows that you're safe."

Sniped was waiting for Harry at the gate.

"I'll take him up to the castle," he told Tunks.

Harry and Sniped started walking towards the entrance.

"You're a skinny stupid boy Potter. I hate you and I wish you die. You should be banished and be forced to live with a bunch of Chihuahuas. You're a freaking loser."

"Are you upset that I kicked your ass in Halo?"

"Shut up Potter."

"Not only Halo, but also Burnout-3, Fusion Frenzy and Need For Speed Underground. Man, I rock at X-BOX. Just wait till X-BOX 360 comes out. I will whoop you. Oh and by the way, I know you're evil and that you're going to kill Doubledork."

"Gasp. Don't tell anyone. Please. I swear I'll give you an O in all your tests."

"No. I want a "D"."

"Huh?"

"Whoops. No wait. You said an "O", you can't take it back."

They got bored of their conversation and so they suddenly were in the Not So Great Hall. Harry joined his two best friends at the Griff-in-the-door table where they ate their way through nineteen courses of food. After eating, Harry and Ron started to smoke marijuana and Hermione started playing poker with Nebbel. Doubledork got up and delivered his speech to the students.

"I love you. I want you. You know you want me. Come, lets…….. Wait a minute. Whoops sorry. This isn't your speech. Your speech is welcome back blah blah blah.

Anyway, our new Potions/Chemistry/Water boiling teacher is professor SnailShorn ."

Professor Snailshorn, who was eating his seventy second piece of fried chicken didn't seem to notice the round of applause.

"Meanwhile, the new DADADADADADAD (Defense against Dark and Dangerous Animals Dat Actually Don't Annoy Dumb Affable Dodo's) teacher is Severely Sniped."

Sniped got up from his seat and addressed the students.

"Modern Education Does Not Touch The Lives Of All Citizens."

"Huh?"

"Oh, that's just the topic the author has to write a debate on. Anyway, just thought all of you would like to know that I haven't washed my hair in seven years and that no woman has looked at me in eight years. On a happier note, I plan to kill Doubledork on page 556 (British version of Half Blood Prince)."

"What a great sense of humor this guy has," said Doubledork. "And even though he's telling me that he's going to kill me, I'll still trust him because I'm a stupid old senile git." (no offense to DD).

After the speech, Harry, Ron and Hermione went to visit Hairy-Grid.

"Waddup gee. Ima hangin low. Just been visitin Grup in the ghetto of da forest. All low pro ya know. See ya tomorrow huh. We get up to drink em buds. Aight ma bro? Hang low till the dead drop till you see em stars. Amplify it all mate. Ima out to buy em woofers. See ya in class tomorrow gee," he said and with that he walked away.

How Hairy-grid would feel when he found out that three of his favorite students had dropped his subject, Harry didn't know, but he did know that the author felt like ending this chapter.

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A/N:

**This chapter is dedicated to Cristi. Ola Cristi. Have fun in Canada my crazy crazy mad friend. **

Hello everyone. How goes all. So sorry that I took so long but my pc was formatted and windows was re-installed and all and also my **internet is seriously messed up. I've written this story for over a week but the document doesn't get submitted.** Also I've taken part in an inter school debate, so I was busy. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter. I will try to update my next one as soon as I can. I promise that it will be out before next week. Thanks to all my reviewers :

Deppforever07

Cristipotter

Emo-Peanut-Butter-Cup

Super-E-Man

Oh Snap I love Harry Potter 4

Sarah-Tribbiani

Satan Junior

Washdup

Sally

Keep reviewing. I'm very thankful to you all who review and point out mistakes and tell me how much you like my story. Really appreciated. Thanks to all my reviewers again. See ya.

Kruger the bat

The cricket bat.


	9. The Half Brain Prince

Harry and Ron joined Hermione in the common room the following morning.

"I love being a sixth year. You get to have free periods," said Ron

"Oh yes," Hermione said. "I'm going to smoke weed and watch pimp my ride during my free classes."

Harry and Ron stared.

"Sorry. I've been hanging around with Hairy-Grid too long."

They went downstairs were Professor McDonald saw them to discuss their timetables.

"Harry. Even though your grades sucked, I'll let you chose any subject you want because Professor Doubledork let you do anything you wanted. Talk about favoritism. Anyway, Ron, I think you're kind of cute so I'll let you take any subjects you want if you agree to go out with me to Hogs-Maid." (This parody keeps getting crazier).

"Okay," Ron said.

"And Hermione, you're a total loser and a geek (I don't know why Ron has a crush on you), so you can take any subject you want. Stupid nerd.

"Wow. You like me? You actually like me? Thank you professor. I like you too. You're beautiful. You're beautiful it's true. I saw your face, in a crowded place……….. Sorry. I just like James Blunt," said Hermione.

They went to DADADADADA class where Sniped told them about non-verbal spells.

"They are non-verbal. End of discussion. I want a 10 inch essay on them by tomorrow."

"But sir," said Seams-us fin-in-guns. "You haven't told us anything about them except for that they are non-verbal."

"AVABA KABAVA," Sniped said pointing his wand at Seams-us.

Seams-us died instantly. He then tried to disarm Harry who repelled his jinx by conjuring up a Shield Charm. Sniped's curse hit him and he went flying backwards.

"Crusheeeo," he said pointing his wand at Harry.

Harry writhed in pain.

"I am the sinister one aren't I? Class dismissed. Now get lost. I want to talk to He-Who-Must-Be-Named about killing Doubledork."

Harry got a letter from Doubledork later on in the day.

_Deer Harry. I also used deer. Aint I funny? Anyway, kindly report to my office at 8pm._

_PS: I enjoy acid pops, coco pops, choco pops, roast beef, chicken wings, soup, fruitella, jolly wranchers, skittles, ribena and mnms._

_PPS: Guess which one of the above is the password._

_PPSS: Is PPSS a word?_

They went to Potions class next where Prof.Snailshor gave Harry a book from the cupboard. To his annoyance, it was scribbled with instructions by the previous owner.

_Mix 2 drops of honey with salamander juice for a smooth red potion._

Harry followed the instructions and the potion turned a dark purple and started boiling. But Harry was stupid and continued following the instructions resulting his potion to blow up. Snailshorn was ecstatic.

"Wonderful. Well not really, but I'm sure you can do better, so you get an A+ and this bottle of Fickle Felicis."

After the class, Harry walked back to the common room with Seams-us (Who somehow came back to life) and studies the book more carefully. On the back, it was written:

_If you read this, you've got way too much free time. Lamps are cool. Economics sucks. What is it with calculators? Are you still reading? Humph. Fool. You're a spineless lobster. All the instructions written in this book are utter tripe and only a stupid boy who has a book based on him would follow them. BBC food is a great channel. I-pods are the best. That's about it. Oh, and yeah. This book is property of THE HALF BRAIN PRINCE. Prince? Why do I call myself that? I need to get a life._

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_A/N:_

_Hello my reviewers. I know its been too long. My last chapter only got 3 reviews and so I was waiting for them to increase an reach 50…… but after 2 weeks it was evident that that wasn't goin go happen. Ive been really busy an im really sorry abt the long wait…. I have skool mocks in 2 weeks an then ive gotta start studying for my A levels which are in May….. I hope I get the time to update soon. Please keep reviewing. They are appreciated….. see ya guys……… thnks to all my reviewers._

Kruger the needle

The pin and needle


	10. The House Of Grunt

Harry went to Doubledorks office to the point where a single gargoyle stood against the wall.

"Acid Pops, Coco Pops, Choco Pops, Roast Beef, Soup.."

The gargoyle sprang aside and Harry entered.

"Well Harry. We can either enter the Pen-sive or play a game of poker," Doubledork said.

"Poker."

"No. We'll go into the Pen-sive and find out why Lord Voldy-Port tried to kill you."

"Sir, does this have anything to do with the prophecy?" asked Harry.

"Ermmm. No, not really. It's actually a piece of junk and the only reason I'm putting you through it is because the author needs something to finish this chapter. Oh. And by the way, I just got an X-Box."

They entered the pen-sive and saw a plump old man (who was call Bob Odgen) walk towards a dilapidated house covered in vines, coco pops, ginger bread men, jelly and Doritos.

A man with extremely dirty hair jumped in front of him.

"You're not welcome," he said.

"Sir," Harry asked." Is he speaking Parelstongue?"

"No you fool, it's French."

The man pulled out his wand and cursed Bob. The mans father came out and started whacking his son on the head with a dust-bin and brush. Bob's appearance had changed because of the curse; he now wore a blue tutu and glass slippers. The mans father told his son to go inside who was called Morfin.

"Now, why are you here?" the man asked Bob.

"Well your son has broken a wizardry law and harmed a Mug-gul, but forget about that. You got some weed?"

"Yeh."

Together the two men smoked up. Mr.Grunts daughter turned into supergirl and flew away and came back after 20 minutes.

"Now that I know you have drugs, you're under arrest," Bob said.

Mr.Grunt went ballistic; first he started doing the Salsa and Tango with himself, then he banged his head into the wall and then started firing jinxes at Bob who ran for it. Doubledork and Harry returned to the office.

"What just happened sir," Harry asked.

But DD had fallen asleep. Harry prodded him.

"Huh? Wha? Well that was the boringest thing I've ever done in my life. Okay now you're going to be a nosy git and ask lots of annoying questions so I'll answer them before you even ask them. The supergirl was Voldy-Ports mother and the guy on the donkey was his father."

"What guy? There was no guy on a donkey," Harry said.

"What? Oh yeah. That's because the author forgot to write about it because he's in a hurry and needs to study. Anyway, she had a baby and he left her to start his own business of making water pistols and she died soon after when she ate a rat (crazy stupid woman). Now get lost, I want to drink a bottle of absolute vodka and dance in the moonlight while listening to My Humps (Black Eyed Peas)." Oh my god, I'm so disturbed. I need to get myself checked up.

Harry was leaving the office when he saw a ring. He looked closely and saw it was made of fake silver. On it was engraved:

_This ring is made of fake silver. It is fake I tell you. It cost only 39 p. It has no powers and previously belonged to Tony the Tiger from frosties._

"Sir, you were wearing this ring when your hand went all crazy and into multi-colored mode," Harry said.

"Oh yes. It's made of real silver," DD said.

"But it says it's fake."

"Shut up boy. Get lost. Fool. Keeps contradicting me. Shoo. Let me dance in peace," DD said.

"Ermmm. G'night sir."

"Yeah whatever."

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A/N:

This chapter is dedicated to DEPP FOREVER 07 and EMO PEANUT BUTTER CUP. My 2 oldest reviewers from marauders diary.

Hello all, watts up. Okay. This is gonna be short cuz im in a hurry… thnks for the reviews…. **Check my profile.. I intend to add a blog at the end of** it so itll keep u updated abt my next chapter updates, stories etc.. Thanks to all my reviewers…. Keep reviewing.

Kruger the bowl

The cereal bowl


	11. Hermione's Helping Hand Foot and Muscles

**This chapter is dedicated to my sister who comes and intervenes when I'm typing, and points out my typos. Luv ya.**

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"We've got to go tell Hairy-Grid," Hermione said.

"You do it. I've got Quidditch trials today, plus I'm hitting the gym after that," Harry replied.

"What you working on?" asked Ron. "Biceps? Triceps? Six Pack?"

"Ummmmm. No. I just like to go there and play my game boy in peace."

Harry's new potions book came via mail, but Harry who was now attached to his Half Brain Prince's version set it on fire and threw it on Ron's head. Hermione started reading the newspaper ignoring Ron run around the Not So Great Hall, his head ablaze.

"They've arrested Stan Shunpike. They claim he's a Breath Eater because of his criminal record."

"He doesn't have a criminal record," Harry said ignoring Ron who was now bouncing around the Hall his robes now on fire. "He's only killed 76 cats, poisoned 18 gold fish, strangled 15 old ladies ( I am a violent person…… sue me), shot 15 camels, steal 37 TV's and killed the sheriff of Mississippi.

"Anyway," Hermione said watching Nebbel pour some wine on Ron. "Wonder where DD is? Haven't seen him all week. Wonder if he's out helping the Order."

"Naaah," said Harry watching Ron burst into bigger flames and start to roll on the floor. " He's just been taken by Real Madrid. He's playing the premiership league."

The Quidditch trials were a nuisance. After an hour of smoking pot and dancing with the giant squid, people got serious and came for serious tryouts. Ron (who was all black by now) did well. Mc-Aladdin was about to beat him when suddenly Hermione came and beat the crap out of him.

"Ron wins." Harry said.

"But she beat me up," protested Mc-Aladdin.

"That's right. I don't take wimps in my team," replied Harry.

Mc-Aladdin burst into tears and ran away KILLING ME SOFTLY.

After that they went to visit Hairy-Grid. They knocked on his door.

"Ima not talking to you gees. U abuse my skills like bad bling on a harley. Ima now a red G all the way. Grills and Spills ya know. Don't ya talk to me bros."

"If you don't open the door, I'll blast it open, set your house on fire, make pig-tails out of your beard and throw fangs in the lake."

"Didja threaten me Potter?"

"Yeah I did."

"Coo. Real fresh see. I like that."

They explained to Hairy-Grid that their time tables were full and didn't have space for his subject when suddenly he burst into tears.

"Whats wrong," Hermione said. Well she didn't say it she asked… but you got the point when I said she said. Just goes to show you that people like my sister who always point out typos ARE wrong…anyway. "Is it aragogog? Is he dying?"

"Screw him.. G-Unit and the Game broke up…. It's a real sad ordeal and deal for wheels ya know."

After that they went to the not so great hall where Prof.Snailshorn came up to them.

"Harry. Dinner in my office. You come too Hermione. Ron I don't like you so you're not invited. In fact, Abada Kababa."

Ron died.

They went to the common room where Demelza told him that he had detention with Sniped later and so he couldn't go to the party. Ron (who had come back to life) was now playing the guitar. Hermione was plucking feathers off her owl. Gred and Forge were playing baseball with an elf for a ball.

"Aaaah screw detention." Harry said knocking Demelza as he joined Fred and Gorge in a game of baseball as Gred smacked the poor elf out of the window.

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**A/N:**

**Hey all.. missed me? Don't care. Anyway.. my exams just finished so im free for like a week before I have to start studying again for my A levels which start in May. Anyway. Really sorry for such a late update. Anyway. Im still alive and writing away. It's amazing how I can write this and other stories and when I'm in English class, I suck ….. go figure… anyway… good news for my old reviewers like depp forever 07 and chocolate moony gal etc. : I'm probably writing a suquel to THE MARUADERS DIARY in the summer. I'm not sure but there's a 90 chance that I'll do it. Anyway. Im going writing another chapter for this story so I can update soon. Cya. Thnx to all my reviewers.**


	12. Sadly not chapter 12

Hello avid readers.. unfortunately this aint a chapter….. I have my A levels right now ….. I screwed maths up but apaprt from tht their goin OK….. im free on 2nd june so u can expect me to review frequently after tht… sorry to keep u guys waitin for sooo long but I was really bbuisy…… I'' try to make my next few chapters extra loing to compromise for my insanely long gap….. thanx to all my reviewers.

Krugre


	13. Slvr And Operas

The first trip to Hogs-maid had arrived. Harry woke up and went down to breakfast where he had eggs, bacon, toast, kippers, porridge, doughnuts, bagels (fat boy isn't he?), pens, pencils, wires, eminem, nate dogg (this is getting ridiculous), hummer trucks, 3 plasma T.V's, Prof.Doubledork and an X-Box (why oh why doesn't my story make sense?).

Just then Ginny arrived and gave Harry a letter.

"Hello Harry. If I wasn't inside your stomach right now I would be telling you this in person… hey an X-box…. Anyway.. our next lesson is on Monday.. whoa a plasma TV."

Prof. D.D

"Want to come to Hogs-maid with me Geeny?" asked harry.

"Naah I'm goin with Dean."

"Ulloo ka patha."

"Huh?"

"Oh I'm just abusing him in the urdu," replied harry.

They went to Hogs-maid in the freezing weather. As they were about to enter Honeypukes, Depp-forever, CristiPotter, Biya and Karen Grima all appeared. Who are they you ask? They are my dedicated fans. Not that all you others aren't… urr anyway..

"Ha! I just got 5 A's," said Biya. She turned into jelly and wobbled on the ground.

"I just got an L7 moto Slvr mobile thus entitling the chapter SLVR and operas," said Depp-forever.

"I'm Cristipotter and my story rocks. Everyone go read HARY POTTER AND THE STORY THAT DID NO SENSE. Its so cool. The characters are so cool. Im so cool," blabbered cristi.

Ron started to get annoyed.

"Abad Kababa," he cried.

Cristi died.

" I'm Karen. I hate mcfly and yet my email is ilovemcfly… im guessing that's not good. Anyway. I'm krugers biggest fan," said Karen.

"No, I am," said cristi who somehow came back to life. "He introduced me in this chapter first."

"Oh you wish."

"Get lost you wannabe."

"Now now ladies. Don't you fight over me," said Kruger.

"Urrr.. we're not. Were fighting over who gets to be in this story more," said Cristi.

"Oh well your loss," said Kruger.

"This story is based on ME.. ME I tell you. Me as in Harry Potter, the guy with an ugly scar, no brain, life and dorky best friends. Not about you cool people," said Harry.

"Well we are pretty cool," said Karen.

" I agree," said Kruger.

Anyway biya the jelly became a camel and stomped over deppforever who turned into a tennis racket and broke into 2 pieces. Karen shot Cristi with a water pistol and rubber band and then turned into a 10 pound bill that got torn in half by Harry.

The trio went to the 3 Broomkicks and drank gutterbeer. Ron tried to catch Madam Pomfreys eye. Not catch her eye as in catch her eye in his hands if it plops outa her skull cuz thts disturbing. Hermione got jealous and killed Pomfrey with a lamp. They went outside and saw that kitty had been attacked by a bunch of wild screaming maniacal deranged Operas.

"Let's get her up to the castle," said harry picking kitty up who was now screaming and screeching.

"I like cheese," she said.

"Ohkay very random."

They started walkin upto the castle.

"I think Palfoy had something to do with Kitty's attack," said Harry.

"Abey chal.. You fool. I wont believe you cuz im an arrogant nerd and when 15 chapters later I realize tht it's the truth I'll apologise… I'm so cool," said Hermione.

Harry shot Hermione.

Biya the jelly became human again and started doin the tango with a horse. Cristi came back to life and ate a chewing gum (I dunno why), Karen became a human from a bill and went to rob a bank and depp forever also became human and went to eat rocks.

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A/N:

**This Chapter is dedicated to Karen Grima for her birthday present.. Happy Birthday Karen.**

Hello my fools.. I am back.. I know I know its been too long but im FREEEEEEEEE … muhahahahaha..no more exams or studying for 3 months….

Oh the freedom.. anyway.. im back now and hope to update frequently… I shall update my other stories as well. Harry potter and the hunt for the final horcrux is one of them. Ive completed chapter 4 and plan to update it by Tuesday.. Also I plan to star writing the sequel to THE MARAUDERS DIARY. Will start tht In a week.. anyway….

Congratulations to Cristi, Karen, Biya and depp forever for your guest star appearance and also for your deaths in the chapter.. especially to Cristi who died twice …. I couldn't think of anything to write HP related in this chapter so I made it VERY VERY VERY random . anyway…. Im back and writing away so until next chapter…. Be gone fools… mauhahahahha.. muhahahaha .nyahahahaha.. wohahahahahaha… errrr. Bye.

Kruger the pick

The toothpick


	14. The Stupid Riddle

Harry went to Doubledorks office on Monday.

"How's kitty sir?" he asked/

"Not so good. She thinks she's a kangaroo and John Travolta at the same time," replied DD.

"Oh dear. Anyway, I think Palfoy was behind the attack," said Harry.

"Oh shut up you great nosy prat," said DD.

They went into the Pen-sive and saw a younger Doubldork listening to an i-pod.

"I was very HIP in my early years," said the older Doubledork.

They followed the young DD into a square building who knocked on the front door.

"Yo! I'm here to see I got an appointment with the babe. Can yous'e likes call her eh?" said the young doubledork to the woman at the door. appeared and led Doubledork into the living room. Harry and the older Doubledork followed.

"Waddup. I'm funky Joe," said the young DD. "Ima take Tom Riddle to ma skool for punks n gangstas. It's the cool is near the west coast gee. He'll like smoke opium chill yeah? Now temme sumfin about his past."

"Well his mother died soon after his birth. She ate a rat," replied the hood was she?" asked DD.

"Urrr.. No" said "Anyway. He's an odd boy."

"Odd as in what?" asked the young doubledork. " He makes odd and weird things happen?"

"Naaah. He DOES weird and odd things. Like today; he ate a puffer fish."

"Oh."

"Do you want to meet him?" asked replied Doubledork.

Harry and Doubledork followed and the younger Doubledork into a room where young Tom Riddle was eating his pajamas. left the room.

"Im like Doubledork boy. Wanna join the club to seek out tha gangstas and wankstas to fish out tha dark gees and plunder the depths of em evil demons boy?" said DD.

"Eh?"

"You wanna join my school for magic," said the young DD.

"Oh, Ok. By the way, I can talk to snakes," said Riddle.

"Big deal. I can talk to rhinos, pelicans, squids, buses, pencils, cd's and lamps. Beat that bruv," said DD.

"Prove to me that you're a wizard," demanded Tom.

The young DD took out his wand and tapped the cupboard in Riddle's room. It burst into flames and burnt into ashes.

"Ah crap."

"Stupid Nut," said Riddle.

DD gave him a bag of gold and told him where to get his books and other supplies from.

"I shall see you on 1st September you ugly pale boy," said DD.

"I can make people do bad things. Make them hurt if I want to," said Riddle.

"So? I can kill people with a flick of my wand. Stop showing off you stupid hideous boy." Said the young Doubledork. "Ima call the boys and make em pop your head off if ya keep blibberin away Tom."

Riddle winced at the sound of his name.

"Whassamatter?" asked DD.

" I don't like the name Tom," he replied.

"Yeah it sucks. Actually its alright. But it doesn't suit a freak like you," said DD.

The older DD and Harry stepped out of the pensieve and were in DD's office again.

"Man, I was cool. I think I'll revert to my old days," said Doubledork. "Anyway Harry, today's lesson; Voldy-Port was an arrogant, ugly, weird, show off and he remains so till today."

"That's…. deep," said Harry.

"Now off you go. I want to fantasize about owning a Lamborghini" said Doubledork.

Harry was leaving when he saw the table on which the ring rested, but the ring was now gone.

"Where's the ring gone sir?" asked harry.

"God you ask so many questions. What drug was J.K.Rowling on when she decided to create such an annoying and demonic character like you?" said DD.

"Puhleeeese tell me," pleaded Harry.

"Oh alright. I had a fight with Tony the tiger. He beat me up and took the ring," said DD.

"Why?" asked Harry.

"Shut up. No more questions," said DD.

"Was the ring important?" asked Harry.

"Aaaargh shut up fool," said DD.

"How does tony look like up close?" asked Harry.

KABLOOOM

DD shot Harry.

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A/N:

**This chapter is dedicated to Cristi my maddest reviewer yet. Keep up the craziness Cristi.**

Hey all.. See im updating on a regular basis. Actually that's because I have no plans right now… anyway… keep reviewing my reviewers and have fun enjoying my story. . hope you liked this chapter. The next one is going to be great. I plan to start **MISCHIEF MANAGED: THE MARAUDERS DIARY 2 **by next week hopefully. Anyway. Im off. Have fun ppl….

Kruger the burner

The Bunsen Burner


	15. Fickle Felicis

Harry told Ron and Hermione everything the next morning in class.

"I think it's fascinating learning about You-Don't-Know-Who's past," said Hermione.

"Oh why don't you marry him if you think he's that fascinating," said Harry.

"Anyway, Snailshorns having this Christmas party and I was wondering if you would like to go with me Ron." Blushed Hermione.

Ron's eyes popped. He jumped into the air, gave a loud WHEEEEEEE and ran away beating his head chanting "SHE LOVES ME, SHE LOVES ME".

That evenings quidditch practice was a nuisance. Ron got all tensed up and jinxed Demelza who turned into a maroon kelpie with 7 legs. In retaliation, Dean jinxed Ron who became a pomegranate and Peaks jinxed Coote who started singing Gangsters Paradise.

After quidditch, Ron the pomegranate and Harry were walking up to the common room when they saw Geeny and Dean making out. Harry went ballistic; He punched Dean, kicked Geeny, bit Ron, ate an ice-cream, ran head first into a wall and ran away singing "KILLING ME SOFTLY". Ron kicked Dean and started telling Geeny off who got annoyed and turned Ron (from a pomegranate) into a watermelon.

Ron's bad mood persisted for the rest of the week up till the quidditch match against Slyther-rings. At the breakfast table, Ron was just staring at his food, while Hermione was juggling books. Harry secretly put something into Ron's drink before he drank it.

"You put Fickle Felicis in ron's drink," gasped Hermione.

"Naaah. I just put some vodka in. It'll loosen him up," replied Harry.

Ron was clearly drunk. He was telling Prof.McDonalds how hot she was and how much she resembled a radio. Ron's drunken condition somehow helped him save every goal in the match. When Harry caught the snitch Geeeny flew into him and gave him a mid-air hug. Harry got so happy that he jumped off his broom (stupid boy. I really don't get him at times).

When Harry entered the common room later that night, he saw Ron and Lavender amking out. Hermione got jealous and set Laveneder's robes on fire. Harry started flirting with Geeny while Lavender ran like a maniac in the background with Ron Ron running after her.

Later on. Hermione left the common room and Harry followed her into an empty class-room where she was playing Chess-Master-Deluxe with herself. Ron and Lavender entered all giggly. Hermione got up and waved her wand at Ron. Suddenly 5 eagle's, 7 rhino's, 8 grizzly bears, 3 pelicans, 6 rats, 4 dogs, 7 wolves and 8 cheetah's started attacking Ron. Hermione left the room slamming the door behind her as she left but before she did, Harry thought he heard a "NYAHAHAHHAHAHAA" before the door slammed.

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Hello all. I know this chapter was short and kinda crap but I really wasn't in the mood for writing. Anyway… have fun reading and review please. Thnx to all my reviewers and a speciall thnx to Karen, Crisit, and Depp-forever who were one of my first reviewers.


	16. The Breakable Vow

It had started snowing. Ron and Lavender were seen to be making out all the time. Nebbel was seen to be doing his Hula dance all the time. Gred and Forge were seen to be lighting the school on fire all the time (Even though they aren't in school in this book I'll still put them in b/c they rock and plus it's my story).

Harry and Hermione were sitting in the library one night.

"There's Snailshorns party tonight. Who you asking?" asked Hermione.

"Yeah I'm not goin. I wanna watch the football world cup," replied Harry.

The next morning, Ron imitated Hermione in front of the whole class. Ron then performed his spell incorrectly causing his eyebrows to grow at an alarming rate, his hair to grow to his knees, his teeth to turn yellow and his nails to turn into claws. So basically he looked like Garfield (when he's on drugs). Hermione laughed at Ron who killed her. That night, Harry got bored of football and went and asked Loony to the party.

"Oooooooh I'd love to go with you. I'd also love to raise a dozen grizzly bears in the brazilian forest "eho" with a Racoon and a bottle of Gillette's aftershave for company,"

said Loony.

"Oh-kay. That's very….. Insane," said Harry.

They went to Snailshorns office which had been magically expanded. The room was violet and orange and green and indigo and red and yellow and blue. Basically it was the colour of a rainbow. Snailshorns vampire friend got bored and bit Loony's head off. The headless Loony and Harry walked over to Prof.Tree-Lawn-Hehe who predicted that Harry was going to be killed by a four headed cushion. Hermione appeared with McAladdin but spent most of the time avoiding him.

"He's a crazy, self-obsessed, weird, abnormal, smelling freak," she told Loony.

"So why'd you come with him?" asked Loony.

"Huh? Oh I'm talking about Harry," replied Hermione.

Suddenly Ron came screaming into the room:

"THE MONSTERS ON THE LOOSE. PEOPLE ARE GETTING PETRIFIED. THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS MIGHT BE OPEN. AAAAAAAAARGH"

"Urrr wrong book Ron. You said all that crap in book 2. This is the 6th book," said Harry.

"Oh."

Ron became a pink balloon and floated away.

Bazookas are really cool. By this the author means that he has run out of stuff to write and will write utter rubbish from now onwards. Also, he wants pizza.

Anyway, Sniped arrived wearing a tutu.

"I wanna be an aurourour," Harry told him.

"Big deal! I wanted to be an accountant but nooooooooo. J.K.Rowling had to make me an evil wizard with a crap salary," said Sniped.

Just then Filth came in dragging Palfoy with him.

"I caught this boy stealing bulbs from the 2nd floor," complained Filth.

"I'll take care of him," said Sniped.

Sniped took Palfoy into an empty class room and Harry followed. Leaning closer to the door he heard their voices. Surely they were going to talk about their devious and diabolical plans. Their association with Voldy-Port or surely about their next victim. They were whispering and Harry leaned closer to the door.

"And after that you take a left and then enter the door. Press X twice and O thrice and then play with your analog and you'll finish the level," Palfoy explained to Sniped.

"Coool. Man, Harry Potter 4 on the PS-2 is hard," said Sniped.

Palfoy started eating a grapefruit (I don't know where the hell that came from)

"Anyway. Let me help you in the plan. It will be better for you," said Sniped.

"No way! You want to steal my Glory. My Glory. GLORY! Glory? New Found Glory? I love that band and I don't need your help. Besides, I've got other people helping me," Palfoy explained.

"Like who? The Breath-Eaters?" asked Sniped.

"No. I've got the pygmies and aborigines of Africa as well as an army of turkeys," said Palfoy. "Bwahahahahahahhhahahahahaha."

"You can't pull the evil laugh off boy," said Sniped. "Anyway since your not letting me help you at least tell me how to get past the dragon without cheating in the game."

Harry got bored of the conversation and started listening to his i-pod and doing the Tango with himself. The author is getting bored and will end the chapter any time now.

"Parsnips are soo cool."

I have noooo idea who said that.

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A/N:

**Hello all. I just finished the chapter last night. Since ima be busy this whole weekend I though I'd quickly update it. Im gonna start my internship soon and then my updates will be on a weekly basis. Anyway. Have fun and review. A special thanks to Karen, Cristi, Depp forever and Sarah tribbiani. Cya guys.**

**Kruger the paper**

**The Sand Paper**


	17. A Very Boring Christmas

"So Sniped was offering to help him?" asked Ron.

"How many times shall I tell you you stupid atom brained freak?" replied Harry.

They were standing in the Weasles kitchen. Their winter break had started. Gred and Forge entered the kitchen.

"Awww look at them using their hands," said Forge. "Harry Potter. The Chosen One, The great, The Hero, The bloke on whom the book is based cant even use his wand."

Harry turned Forge into a potato. They spent most of the day helping Mrs.Weasel in the kitchen. Ron got so bored that he cut his finger off, stood on his head and started singing "Megalomaniac". Geeny had decorated the living room so it looked like a paper-chain explosion had taken place. Actually that's just stupid cuz if paper chains exploded everyone would be injured and wouldn't be eating . Maybe J.K.Rowling is trying to tell us that Geeny is a violent princess. Maybe she's Princess Prez Peg. After dinner, Mrs.Weasel put on the radio and everyone was forced to listen to her favourite band; The Boring Broomsticks.

"**Oh my poor heart where has it gone?**

**Im so bored and yet I sing for so long**

**And now you've torn my heart apart**

**The author has a wild craving for a jam tart"**

Harry got up and smashed the radio on Lupins head and asked him what he's been doing.

"Well everyone thinks that I'm underground working with werewolves, but I'm really the lead guitarist for Metallica and we're working on a new album. Sigh if only I was normal," he said.

"You are normal. You've just got a retarded freaky abnormal problem that's all," said Harry. "Anyway, you know anything about the Half Brain Prince?"

"Oh yeah. He sang SHE WILL BE LOVED," replied Lupin.

"Errrr no. That was Maroon 5," said Harry.

"Oh…Well then I don't know who he is," Lupin replied.

Next morning Ron opened his Christmas gift from Lavender. It was a gold chain and dangling from the middle were the words :

**My sweetheart, Schnnokums, Apple-pie, Love, Sweet pee, Sweet Corn , Sweet Speakers, Lets get married, have 17 kids and live in a tree.**

Harry sold all of his gifts on e-bay and got 300 pounds (The greedy git).

They all went for breakfast where Percy turned up with Scrimgeuor.

"I need 70000 dollars for a Mercedes mum," Percy said.

Scrimgeour took Harry for a walk.

"OK Harry I'll get straight to the point. MARRY ME!"

"EH?" said Harry.

"Cmon. We'll elope to sewden," said scrimgeour.

"Errrr. No" replied Harry.

"Fine. Then at least join the ministry. I'll gove you free pepsis." Said Scrimgeour.

"Naaah. I'll only join if you give me 2 i-pods, 3 flemingos, 3 N-70's, 4 Macs, 7 leopards, 3 countries, 2 accounts, 3 cd's, a camino, a safari, a penguin (im just blabbin now).

"NEVER! Fine don't join. I see that you are Doubledorks man through and thorugh."

"err whatever. Oh and the authour got mugged today," said harry.

"GASP!" Scrimgeour gasped. He becamea grnade and disappeared. Harry went inside, ate all the food, smoked a benson, watched matilda the movie and fell asleep. Ron became a cow and went to eat grass. Just then Karen, Cristi, Deppforever and Super-e-man appeared and started playing super Mario world.

"I'm so cool. I like spikes," said Karen.

Cristi bounced over to the kitchen and stabbed herself.

Super-e-man got shot by her sisters poisonous dart.

A fridge fell on Deppforever.

Karen was left alone and so died of depression by becoming a canary and being poisoned.

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A/N:

**Hey all. Okay I know boring chapter but im no mood to write. So keep reviewing my crazy people. Have fun. There I mentioned all you people again. Muhahahahahaha.. **

**Kruger the wave**

**The microwave**


	18. A Snailish Memory

Harry and the rest retunred to Hogwash after a few days. They went to the Gryffindor common room where Tonks was standing

"I love butterflies," she said.

"Errr. You're not mentioned in this chapter," said Ron.

"That's right, I'm not. But this is a parody and the author can put me if he pleases," said Tonks. She turned into a pile of dust and blew away.

Lavender appeared and took Ron away. Harry went to DD's office later on. Suddenly Robert Langdon appeared.

"AHA! I've cracked it. I know the divine secret," he said.

"Errr. Wrong book. You're supposed to be In the DAVINCI CODE not Harry Potter" said Harry.

"Oh… Right," he said. He became an earthworm and wriggled away.

"Why do the wrong people keep on appearing in this chapter?" asked Harry.

"I'm going to be murdered at the end of this book," said Doubledork.

"Y'know, you kinda gave away the ending?" said Harry.

"Not my fault, the author made me write it," said DD.

"Did not," said Kruger.

"You're not supposed to be in this chapter either," protested Harry.

"Yeah, but since I wrote it, I can do whatever I want," said Kruger.

"Stupid…… Good looking….. Charming….. Intelligent…… Funny….. Cool… Author….Gets to write a book…." Grumbled Harry.

Anyway. DD and Harry talked about Harry's fight/proposal with Scrimgeuor and the conversation of Palfoy and Sniped . They then entered the pen-sive where a teenage Voldy-Port entered the house of grunt. Morfin told him all about the Muggel Tom and suddenly everything went black and they were standing in DD's office again.

"What happened sir?" asked Harry.

"Morfin could not remember anything beyond this point," said Doubledork.

"Why? Did Voldy-Port knock him out?" asked Harry.

"Naaaaah. He had too much to drink. Stupid drunk wizard," said DD. "Anyway, I shall bore you with another pathetic and crap memory of mine."

They entered the pen-sive and were suddenly standing in Snailshorns office, where Snailshorn was sitting on his seat. On the floor were seated around a dozen students among which one was Voldy-Port. When everyone had left the room Tom asked Snailshorn what a HorCrust was. Suddenly the room went black and a loud voice filled the room.

"**They see me rollin**

**They hatin**

**Patrolling they tryin to catch me ridin dirty**

**Tryin to catch me ridin dirty**

**Police think they can see me lean**

**I'm tint so it ain't easy to be seen"**

Urrr I mean.

" **I don't know what a HorCrust is you stupid ugly fat pale pathetic boy. Now go away and don't ever come back unless you have fried chicken with you."**

DD and Harry returned to the office.

"HorCrust is a chewing-gum. Not really. But you will know what it is when you retrieve the real memory from Snailshorn. I could do it by myself, but I'm too lazy and can't be bothered to leave this room," said Doubledork. "Now go away, I want to play my PSP."

Harry left the room and met Eminem in the corridor.

"And when I'm gone just carry on don't mourn, rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice …." He said.

"You're not supposed to be in this chapter either. What is it with all you guys?" said Harry.

"Oh… Okay. But technically it's not my fault you know. I can't help it if the author put me in this chapter. Maybe its b/c ppl would rather have me in this book than you. I can sing and I've done drugs and I've got around 30 cars. What do you have? A scar which resembles a bolt of lightning and a tendency to ask a lot of questions… oooooooh."

Just then Ron and Lavender appeared.

"We're off to have some fun, so don't disturb us," said Ron.

"Whaddya mean FUN?" asked Harry.

"You'll understand when you get a girl," said Ron.

Harry turned into a bunny and hopped away.

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A/N:

**Hey all… waddup.. okay this chapter was totally random.. anyway.. have fun reading n review away… thnx again to all my reviewers esp super e man, sarah tribbiannni, Karen, cristi, deppforever etc… have fun.. cya…**

**Kruger the shirt**

**The T-Shirt**


	19. Birthday Stupidity

Harry told Ron and Hermione about how he had to retrieve Snailshorn's memory.

"Well Snailshorn is quite affable. Your connection with him will alleviate the difficulty since you're not aloof and so altruistic and the task isn't so ambiguous and you both are so amiable. In fact, I think unless my speech is erroneous and that I'm not esoteric during my ephemeral talk b/c I'm perpetrating it that the task is viable.

"What the hell did you just say?" said Ron.

"I said that the task is easy cuz Snailshorn loves Harry. Only, I used S.A.T words b/c the author made me say them," said Hermione.

"Liar," said Kruger.

"You liar," replied Hermione.

"You liar," said Kruger.

"No you."

"No you."

"No you."

"No you."

"No you."

"No you."

"No you."

"No you."

"No you."

"No you."

"No you."

"No you."

"No you."

"No you."

"No you."

"No you."

"No you."

"No you."

"Y'know, I get the feeling the authors trying to tell fill up the chapter," said Ron.

After 45 minutes when the cool author and the dorky ugly weird nerd had stopped arguing, the trio went to potions where Harry messed everything up b/c he put a remote control and a i-pod video in his potion instead of water ( A/N: really thick boy he is). After the lesson Harry asked Snailshorn what a HorCrust was.

"I'll never tell you. Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever tell you. Unless of course you get me fried chicken," Snailshorn said.

Later on they had Apparition lessons. Harry was supposed to apparate from the Gryffindor table to the Slytherin one, but instead he ended up in Mrs.Giggles Girls School.

"How you doin?" Harry said to all the girls.

"That's my line," said Joey.

"Eh? How the flip did you get here?" asked Harry.

"Same way you did you stupid annoying piece of……. Err I mean you silly silly little boy," replied Joey.

"Whoa! You're a wizard?" asked Harry.

"Err yeah. I killed Voldy-Port," said Joey.

"Ummm. He's still alive," said Harry.

"Black bandana, sweet Louisiana,"

"WTF?"

Joey became an apple and bounced away even though apples don't bounce. Actually they do a bit if you throw em. But lets continue onwards with the story shall we?

"Talk about random people coming in and out of the chapter," said Harry.

Suddenly Cristipotter popped in front of him.

"HA! I just popped in front of you," she said.

"I'm a solar calculator," said Kruger.

"I UPDATED! Muhahahahahaha. My story rocks," she said.

"I'm afraid I'm gonna havta kick you outta my story Cristi. See I support the **CDEYS **club (Cristi don't end your story), and since you're ending it, you can't be in my chapter."

Cristi became a 3-D glass and flew away.

Errrr.. Anyway. Next morning on Ron's birthday, Harry got up and gave Ron his birthday present: a hug.

"How the hell did you get a girl like Choo, Chee, Chang, Cheng, Chung, Ching, Changhai nights, Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, All other Chinese people, Chy, ping pong, Cho Chang?" said Ron.

Ron ate one of Harry's cookies and fell in love.

"Harry, I've fallen in love," he said.

"With who? Romilda Vane? Asked Harry.

"Nope. With Chamillionaire, 50-cent, Eminem, D-12, tupac, biggie, ice-cube, dr.dre, snoop dogg, nate dogg, status quo, bone thugz n harmony, lil flip, twista and all other rappers," said Ron.

"Errr….. okay. You freak,"

Harry took him to Snailshorn's office who gave Harry and Ron, both a glass of Smirnoff.

"I'm like the cool is. I'm letting you kids drink," he said.

"Err. Y'know you can go to jail for that?" asked Harry.

"Normally I could. But this is a frikkin book and that too a parody. So it won't happen," said Snailshorn.

Two cops appeared and arrested Snailshorn.

"Arrrrrrgh baargh gasfjbvaklvasjbvai curses, flying curses fjhiafhiuafaf &&(&#$$& (CENSORED FOR YOU KIDDIS READIN THIS)" cursed Snailshorn.

Ron started laughing so hard that he somehow poisoned himself A/N: he's a weird character. I never really did get him).

Harry got a beozar and stuffed it down Ron's throat who choked on it and died.

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A/N:

**Hey all. I'm back. Finally started an internship. Anyway. Have fun reading you fools. Cristi was the only one mentioned in this chapter cuz I don't want her to end her amazing story. Cristi. You cant. Plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz… it rox… and your story is hilarious as well Super-e-man. Anyway.. cya all. Thnx to all of you for reviewing. Chow.**

**Kruger the air**

**The millionaire **


	20. Elf Trails

Ron came back to life after an hour and Superman Returns was released in cinemas. But that has nothing to do with this parody, so carrying on. Hermione, Ron and Harry were discussing how people die of smoking when Hairy-Grid turned up.

"Yo biaches. Waddup? Anyway liss up yo. Doubledork's angry with Sniped. Whoops. I like wasn't supposed to tell you G's. I keep blundering. I've like been doin that since the first book… I mean first year when I told you about fluffy pillow ma 7 headed, 14 eyed, 0 brained French poodle. All the way G's."

Ron shot him.

"I love chocolate chip cookies," said Voldy-Port.

"WTF? How'd you get here?" said Hermione.

"I am cool. I apparated," he said.

"But you can't apparate from in this castle. It says so in Hogwarts A Hist…"

"Oh shut up you freak. I wrote that book. And I lied.. muahahhahahaah" said Voldy-Port.

"Are you going to kill me?" asked Daniel Radcl…. I mean Harry.

"Maybe." Said VP.

"Are you going to marry me?" asked Harry.

"Where the hell did you come up with that?" asked Voldy Port.

"I'm on heroine. So how about we bet on the Pakistan England test match?"

"Aight," said Voldy-Port.

"Did you just AIGHT?" asked Harry.

"I GOT THE RIGHT TEMPERATURE TO SHELTER YOU FROM THE STORM," said Voldy-Port.

"Eh?"

Voldy-Port became a university prospectus and Hermione started reading him.

The Griff-in-the-door and Slytherings quidditch match took place. Harry ate his broom (dumb ass) and McAladdin knocked him out with a New York Yankees cap. Harry woke up and fell in love with…… hey my MP3 players batteries charged…… errrr. Okay, sorry that has nothing to do with this story.

Ron and Harry were in the hospital wing playing scrabble. Harry got 13 points for making

"**Chocolate-bananasplit-gimme-a-gun-to-blow-your-brains-out-and-caramilzed-onions-and-peanut-butter-morons-are-well-morons-im-lisening-to-metallica-right-now-and-im-about-to-go-for-lunch-and-im-watchin-cricket-when-will-the-fifth-movie-come-out-a-bunch-of-baboons-attacked-my-cat-and-lightinin-struck-the-tv-causing-my-hair-to-become-yellow-somehow-soooo-is-anyone-actually-reading-all-this-crap-tht-im-writing-or-has-everyone-just-proceeded-to-read-the-next-part-of-this-chapter-anyway-moving-on."**

Which can't actually fit on a scrabble board but it's my story. Muahhahahaha.. ermm anyway.

Lavender appeared and took Ron away. Harry looked at his map and saw Palfoy on the 7th floor. He went there and saw Palfoy doing the Tango with himself and singing "Larger than Life" by the backstreet boys.

"Hahaha Potter. The Vanishing Cabinet will soon be fixed and I along with the Breath Eaters will come into the school via the Room Of Retirement," he said.

"Errr, you kinda ruined the surprise for the readers you egg," said Harry.

"hahahahha. Zidane headbutted Materazzi," said Pafoy.

"What the hell does that have to do with anything?"

Palfoy tap danced away.

"Why doesn't this story make sense?" Harry asked himself. Which is quite stupid cause who the hell talks to themselves? Crazy boy he is.

Since this chapter is entitled ELF TRAILS I'm going to have to mention it somewhere. So Harry met Dobbo the ELF and followed his TRAIL to Uzbekistan where he ate a pound of ginger and died.

Hermione and Ron started flirting with each other. They eloped to Afghanistan where they met Osama Bin Laden, shook hands with an antelope (even though they don't have hands), drank sea water from the Dead Sea (even though that's not in Afghanistan) and died when a mosquito bit them (even though that's very rare).

Harry who had come back to life told Creature to tail Palfoy. Palfoy found out and went and told Lex Luthor who had been taken over by the evil Zod and was now destroying Smallville with help from Professor Milt….. wait a minute….. yeah wrong story.

Count Olaf beat Harry up for being more popular than him while Johnny Depp killed Ron b/c he is Captain Jack Sparrow.

I'm just saying random things now of which none are remotely related to Harry Potter or remotely interesting.

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A/N:

**Yelllo……………….. waddap people… sorry for such a long time to update…. Quite busy at my internship….. anyway… this was a totally random chapter… I think I'm losing my touch :S ……. Anyway hope you all enjoy……. Thnx to all my reviewers… review away people……….. a special mention for my sister biya and my cuzin atif (stupid git enjoyin himself in London)……… have fun people….. a special thnx to depp forever, sarah tribbianni, cristi, Karen, super – e –man etc………..**

**Kruger the keyboard**

**The stupid keyboard of mine that sucks! **

**That didn't quite make sense did it ?**


	21. Lord VoldyPorts Request

Harry and Ron left the hospital wing the following day. They were walking with Hermione along the sixth floor corridor when they saw a first year girl holding a pair of brass scales.

"Haahahaha," she said. "I am Crabbe in disguise. I am a gorilla. I'm helping guard Palfoy who's in the room of retirement fixing the cabinet."

"Why do people in this parody have a tendency to ruin the story?"

Lavender appeared and started telling Ron off about why she wasn't informed that Ron had left the hospital wing.

"Dr. Dre is the name, I'm ahead of my game

Still, puffing my leafs, still with the beats

Still not loving police

Still rock my khakis with a cuff and a crease" said Ron

"Eh?"

Ron slapped Lavender, then went and dumped her body in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom.

"Anyway, as I was saying," continued Ron. "Cherry pies are way better than apple-pies."

"Errr… You weren't saying that," said Hermione.

"That's right I wasn't. You know why? Cuz I'm high on Ganja…. Weeeehooooooooooooo.." said Ron

Just then Seth Cohen appeared.

"What do I do? Summers not talking to me again," he asked Ron.

"Y'know I think you're kinda in the wrong story. This is HP not OC," replied Ron.

"Oh," said Seth. He became a tennis ball and bounced away.

"Bwahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahaha… I've got a joke…." Laughed Harry like a maniac clearly on cocaine. "If I was a fly, I would fly. Muuuuuuuuahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahhahaahaaaaaaaaaaahahahahhhhhhhhahahahahahahahhaahahahahahaha."

"Errmmm. Why is that so amusing?" asked Ron.

"Hahahahaahhaahhahahaahhahany yayayhaahahayahahhahaayahhaha hehehehehehehehehehehee. If I was a cheetah I would cheetah. Baahahahahahhwahahhahahahahahahahahh nayahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahha."

"Y'know I think he's finally flipped," said Hermione.

Suddenly Sniped appeared and gave Harry detention for being cooler than him.

"Uhhh. Sniped. You're not mentioned in this chapter," said Ron.

"Oh…" said Sniped. He went and sat on an electric chair.

And then Prof.McDonalds appeared and… wait, she's not mentioned in this chapter either. So let's cut her out.

Harry went to Doubledorks office.

"I GOT A MAKEOVER!" Doubledork screamed.

DD had cut his hair and now had spikes which were now electric blue. He had shaved his 32 ft long beard and had replaced it with a goatee. He was wearing the g-unit spinner along with 4 other blings and was smoking a Marlborough Light. He was wearing a leather vest. His left arm had the dark mark tattooed on it.

"Sir? Why do you have the dark mark?" asked Harry.

"Eh? Oh crap. Err shut up," said DD.

They went into the pen-sive where they first saw Tom's riddles steal a cup from a fat, rich, ugly woman. The second memory was in DD's office. A younger version of Voldy-Port came into a younger DD's office.

"I want the DADADADADADAD job," VP said to DD.

"Why?"

"B/c I am cool," replied Voldy-Port.

"Even though that's a pathetic reason and even though I know that you're evil, I am clearly drunk right now and therefore I am giving you the job," said DD.

"Are you retarded?" asked Voldy-Port.

Harry and the older DD returned back to his office.

"Ermm. Sir? Weren't you supposed to refuse giving him the job?" asked Harry.

"Oh yeahhh," said DD.

"Good thing I've read the book," said Harry.

"Oh well. I'll just go into the past and fire him," said DD.

So DD stepped into his time machine and returned an hour later.

"Sorry for the delay. I was playing a game of black jack with him."

"He wanted the DADADADADAD job right?" asked Harry.

"Yup. And since I've refused him no DADADADADADA teacher has lasted for more than one decade." Said DD.

"Don't you mean 1 year?" asked Harry.

"Err. Yeah shut up" said DD.

And with that DD shot Harry.

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A/N:

Olaaaaaaa people…. I'm back again and writing away… sorry for the delay….. too lazy…. Anyway….. have fun….. thanks to all my reviewers..

Kruger the bone

The Lazy Bone


	22. The Knowable Room

Mary had a little lamb and it was as white as snow. Everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go. Now that all of you know that I'm officially insane I shall continue.

Ron and Harry in the common room doing their homework while Hermione looked on. Ron couldn't finish his essay so Hermione offered to do it for him.

"I love you Hermione," said Ron.

"Don't let Lavender hear you say that," Hermione said.

"Ok,"

Ron got up and went and told Lavender.

Creature and Dobbo appeared.

"We have info regarding Palfoy," said Creature.

"He's 6 ft 3, blonde hair, likes fishing, has 2 dogs named……. Wait…. Sorry I'm talking about Tom Felton," said Dobbo.

"You stupid prat."

"Screw you."

"You wanna piece of me?"

"I have a confession to make. I have a crush on Crookshanks."

"Eh? Who said that?"

"Muahahhaha.. actually I don't know who I am since the author wont put my name at the end of my sentences."

The elves told Harry sneaking into the Room Of Retirement (R.O.R). Ron and Hermione went for their apparition test while Harry went to the 7th floor. He walked past the blank wall 1458793358 times and muttered to himself.

"Open sesame….. whoops … no wait…. Sorry… err… become the place you become for Palfoy."

A door appeared on the wall but Harry completely oblivious of its presence kept walking past it muttering to himself about how he wanted to elope with a turtle when he was 5 years old. Palfoy exited the R.O.R and tap danced past Harry who was still mumbling.

Ron and Hermione turned up and they all went to DADADADA.

"What's the difference b/w an inferius and a ghost potter?" asked Sniped.

"Oh shut up you greasy hag. I hat you. No I don't HAT you, I hate you…" said Harry.

Sniped burst out crying.

"No-one loves me…." He said. He became jelly and oozed away.

"Ohhhkay… weird," said Hermione.

Ron and Harry went to the bathroom where they met Moaning Turtle.

"Oh, it's only you," she said. "I thought you were Palfoy. He comes here and cries. You're gonna attack him here on page 489."

"Great… another spoiler… what is it with people in this parody?" said Ron.

Harry tried getting inside the R.O.R for the rest of the week but always started mumbling to himself and missed Palfoy. He met Tunks one day on the 7th floor.

"What are you doing here?" he asked her.

"I love roast beef," she replied.

"Ohkay. That still doesn't answer my question. You here on business?" he asked.

"Roast potatoes are pretty cool as well," she replied.

"Are you retarded?" asked Harry.

"With gravy. And sausages," she said.

"I'm gonna kill you soon."

Tunks became a Harley Davidson and sped away.

Ron and Hermione got their apparition result. Ron failed (dumb-ass). Hermione flirted with the tutor and passed. The author is bored and so he's gonna end the chapter now.

Just then Sniped turned up.

"Even though I'm not mentioned at the end of this chapter I would like to tell everyone that I am gay," he said.

--- Silence ---

"Muhahaha"

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**A/N:**

**Yolaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa……………………… wasaaaaaaaaaaaaaaappp don't care…. Anyway….. thought I'd never update dindt ya.. didn't ya? Probly didn't but whatever…… thnx again to all my reviewers….. **

**Kruger the house**

**The Greenhouse**


	23. During The Burial

The trio was walking along the seventh floor when suddenly a UFO appeared. 13 tiny blue and green men abducted them for research and cloning. Actually, this never happened. My imaginations just running away. So anyway. The trio was walking along the seventh floor (devoid of any UFO's) when a girl came and handed Harry a letter.

_Yoza Harry._

_Ssup fishy? Guess what? I just likes gave Aragogogog some cocaine and he's like flippin up an around yo. Bouncin in the clubs with his arachnid fraandz gee. So likes come on down to ma crib tonight and we'll get the cokes and smokes on. Later bling._

_Eminem.. I mean.. Hairy-Grid_

The trio was deciding how to get the memory from Snailshorn when Harry thought of Fickle Felicis. Harry went to potions ate a7 pound lobster, choked to death, floated towards the sky as a blue balloon. Again, this never happened. My minds losing it again. So Snailshorn told his students to make anything they wanted, so Harry made some denim jeans and a MP3 player.

Later that night Harry drank Fickle Felicis and fetl…….felt……….felt………… felt………. Fickle…….

"How does it feel?" asked Ron.

"Pretty good.. no wait.. it sucks. No im kidding it rocks. Naah its crap actually. No wait I think its amazing. Noo actually its rubbish.. on the other hand it does taste good. But then again…….."

Harry went to Hairy-Grids where he met Snailshorn as well. Aragogog was tap dancing on the table with a Barbie while Snailshorn and H-Gird watched THE WORLDS SCARIEST VIDEOS on T.V. The whole night craziness ensued; Roller blading with chickens, playing strip poker (playing that with a spider is pretty crazy), eating hats, burning paper (again doing that with a spider is crazy), drinking water (wait… that's not crazy. Forget you read that), jumping off towers, calling out to atoms, trying to catch air, trying to fly, doing the salsa with a broom, killing little gnomes and bar-be-que'ing them.

Later that night, Harry, H-Grid and Snailshorn were smoking when Aragogogog dug up a grave and jumped into it. He had died from smoking too much telephone wires (stupid arachnid freak). H-Grid started crying. Harry tried to console him. Snailshorn was talking to himself about how he liked strawberry jelly with shoes and boiled eggs (weird flipping loon). They stayed drunk all night when suddenly lightning struck H-Grids hut and they all perished in the fire. Again, this never happened but is the result when you have too many twix's. You'll havta excuse me. I'm slightly nuts. So, Harry somehow got the memory from Snailshorn and they all lived happily ever after. That is, until the crows attacked with their army of flaming, flagrant, flipping, flying sheep's who all killed everyone in Hogwash. (Just ignore me when I deviate from now on). They all sang a song before the chapter ended.

**And ODO the hero, they bore him back home.**

**The stupid freak jumped off a cliff and broke all his bones.**

**To the place that he'd known as a lad**

**Drank so much booze, that he thought he was a shopping bag**

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**A/N:**

**OLA! Wassaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap…… I know its beeen ages… but I boycotted fanfiction cuz it didn't open one day.. "fine u wont open? I boycott you"… an then I had cuzins from germany an UK and all other parts of the world…….. an then I broke my finger (I like to exaggerate. Don't believe me)…. Anyway…… im gonna be busy this yr with A levels and S.A.T an all that crap… yesterday I nearly got SHOT! (don't believee meee.. my fingers are getting carried away)…….. sooo im off….. have fun.. thnx to all my reviewers.**

**Kruger**

**Kruger who nearly died!**


	24. Horchuxes

Harry had got the memory. He was so happy. No wait… Since I just gave my SAT and learned about 500 words, I shall instead write that Harry felt ebullient. Anyway, Harry went to Doubledorks office.

"Pedicure Manicure kitty cat claws,

The way she jumps up and down em poles," DD was singing.

"Err sir?"

DD straightened up.

"Well Harry. If you are equivocal when I speak in the vernacular it is only because you have turgid ears. You aren't facetious at all you banal, sebaceous boy. I think that you were meant to nettle and chide nuptial ceremonies. It is congenital to you cuz ure a phlegmatic boy who has a plethora of telling sardonic tales." Said DD.

Harry smiled

"I'm dissing you you freak."

"Oh."

"You see I too know SAT words," said DD.

"I have the memory sir," said Harry.

"I have the memory sir," mocked Double-dork.

"Are you ok sir?"

"Are you ok s…..Arrrgh you stupid boy. Let's just get this over with quickly."

They went into the pen-sive where they were once again in Snailshorns office where he and Tom were sitting alone."

"Sir what are Horchuxes?" asked Tom.

"It's actually Horcuxes, but if we called it that then this chapter would be called so too and then this would no longer be a parody. So anyway, a horchux is an object in which an evil wizard hides…"

"Yes?" asked Tom eagerly.

"Hides…"

"Yes?"

"Oh it's too horrible."

"Go on sir. Tell me."

"Very well. It's where a dark wizard hides.. part….. of ……his…s…s…s…seven digit hotmail password."

--Silence---

DD and Harry returned.

"So that's what Voldy-Ports hiding. His hotmail password." Said Harry.

"Yes. Because in his account lies…."

"Yes?"

"Lies…."

"Lies what sir?" asked Harry.

"Lies.."

"?"

"Lies an email."

"No shit." Harry said.

"Yes and in that email is a picture of him an Eva Holsten making out."

"Eva Holsten. The hot chick who wrote STUNNING SPELLS TO STUN THE STUNNING STUNNER ?"

"That's the one." Confirmed DD.

"So why doesn't he just delete the email?" asked Harry.

"Because he…. You know that would be a clever thing to do wouldn't it?"

Suddenly Eragon appeared on his dragon, Sapphira.

"I'm here to avenge the death of Ajihad. Which one of you killed him?" he said drawing his sword.

DD had no idea what this squalid boy was talking about, but he didn't like the size of the sword so he pointed at Harry an said:

"This boy did. He came an confessed to me. You can kill him if you want, just don't kill me. I'm an old man. Please spare my life. I have a wife, 2 children… kill them instead."

"WTF?" said Harry. "No, I didn't kill anyone… except for a little pigeon an that too because it was looking at me weirdly.. so I burnt it alive.. But I haven't killed anyone else….. an your not supposed to be in this book."

"Yeah that's true. So how the fu…. I mean how the flower did I get here?"

"Because the stupid author mentioned us, silly git that he is," said Sapphira.

Suddenly they bothed choked to death and died a horrible death.

"Hah!" said Kruger

Anyway… DD crapped on and on about Horchuxes while Harry's mind strayed to things like McDonalds, Economics, Ginny, Crystals, Cauldrons, Ginny, Mice, Food, Ginny, Ginny action figures, Ginny calendars (boy Bonnie Wright must be getting flattered).

But at last Harry understood (not really cuz he's a stupid pyromaniacal weird). It was the difference between being dragged into the arena to face death and walking in it with your head held high. DD knows it and my parents knew and so do I. That there was the only difference in the world… Oh what a bunch of sentimental crap.

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**A/N:**

**Well hellooo……… well I'm finally back… so sorry that I havnt written in so long… writers block……. Hehehehe…… so much has happened …. Turns out I actually did break my finger….now tht im done with my exams an my SAT I shall start updating sooon….. have fun reading the story n review… have fun my stupid sea sands (?????)**

**Kruger the paper**

**The paperpin**


	25. Sendsometempura

Harry told Ron and Hermione everything the following morning.

"Ron, your making it snow," Hermione said grabbing Ron's wrist. Lavender saw this, poured petrol on Hermione and lit her on fire with her Harley Davidson zippo lighter. (I want one of them).

Later in the common room, Harry was going through the Half Blood Prince's potions book when he saw a spell captioned under the heading:

**_Do not use on anyone. Extremely violent. You'll be a total jackass to perform a spell like this. Ooooooh, A purple sheep bunny._**

Harry memorized the spell. He was confused. Should he ask Ginny out or not? He wanted a Ferrari enzo so badly but it had nothing to do with his feelings for Ginny. He decided to write her a poem.

"Roses are blue, violets are red

Baby, screw the world, I just want you dead

You're the raindrop of love soaring in the sky

I hope you choke on your turkey on thanksgiving and die

I'd run a thousand miles for you

That's crap talk. I wouldn't even do that for my sexy shoe

So let's get it on before Doubldork dies (groan from readers)

If you say no, I'll pluck your pretty lil eyes."

"_Perfect," _thought Harry. _He was playing hard to get._

After reading it, Harry put Tabasco on the letter and ate it (stupid dumb atom brain aint he?)

"Potter! What do you get if you added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?"

"Err.. the Draught Of Living Death."

"Crap. How did you know?" asked Sniped.

"Cuz you asked me like five years back," said Harry.

"WHAT??? Wait a min… this inst the philosopher's stone?" asked Sniped.

"Nope…. It's the Half Blood Prince."

"So why did Hermione set my robes on fire during the quidditch match?"

"Well mainly cuz she hates you. Also cuz we thought ure robes were the new Levi's ones that are impervious to everything."

"Interesting… anyway… I'm going.. you annoy me," said Sniped.

"Not what you said last night when you ……" said Harry.

"Ok Ok… heheheh…" blushed Sniped. He flew away on his sunglasses.

Harry went to the bathroom and say Palfoy and Myrtle flirting.

"Oh, Palfoy. You're the only one for me. There's no one else." said Myrtle.

"Not what you said last night when we…" - Harry.

"How did you get here?" asked an infuriated Palfoy.

"It's called walking."

"What's called walking?"

"IT'S called walking."

"IT?"

"Yes IT!!!"

"What about IT?"

"Lasagna with fried chicken."

"WTF??"

"Your fat."

"Gasp."

And so they started to duel.

"Sexy chocolata," said Harry. Palfoy's arm popped out and he became an exponential equation.

"Evil Coco Popsitis," said Palfoy. Harry became a KFC sub.

"STOP! STOP! Kruger you're ruining my story. You're a retard," said J.K.Rowling.

"Not what you said last night when you were.." Kruger

"Arrrrgh…. OK fine… Just shut up and finish the goddamn story."

"Sendsometempura," said Harry. Tempura and chicken wings sprouted everywhere from Palfoy.

Sniped appeared.

"Detention Potter!"

"But you have no proof that I did it," protested Harry

"I've read the book. What's the point of you going up and hiding your book in the Room Of Requirement?"

"You Suck!!" said the readers….

"Not what you said last night when we…."

"Yes yes we get it…"

So Harry went down to detention where he ate an egg. An hour later he went to the common room. As he entered, Ron beat him up with a baseball bat.

"We won the match!!! We won!! I'm so happy I can dance naked and sing "Smells Like Teen Spirit" while doing the salsa with my pillow," said Ron.

-----Silence----

"I won't though," said Ron.

"Why? After what you did last night, this shouldn't be a problem. Remember when you…'

"Err.. Shut up"

Ginny came up to Harry.

"Gin, I've wrote you a poem,"

"_**Go out with me and you won't regret it babe**_

_**Go out with me or else I'll cut you up with a blade**_

_**Go out with me and let us express our love**_

_**Go out with me or I'll shoot a dove**_

_**I'll make sure that you choke on the stupid bird**_

_**And that you never again say another word**_

_**Go out with me, baby, I fill you**_

_**Go out with me baby, or I'll kill you"**_

"Oh that's so romantic," said Ginny.

And so the two started going out.

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A/N:

**Hey hey hey……. What be up all???? Sorry for the long wait… I'm just plain lazy…. I've finally turned 18 :D …………….. wohooooooooooo….. im legal…. Anyway…. Even though I have exams going on, I'm doing this….. anyway….. have fun reading … the good chapters are coming up…. Review away….**

**Kruger the cookie**

**The cook's key….. (WTF??????????)**


	26. The Seer's OvalHead

The fact that Harry Potter was going out with Ginny Weasley meant that all the Harry/Hermione, Harry/Ron, Harry/Sniped, Ron/Ginny, Ron/Dinny/Draco, Ginny/Doubledork shippers had committed suicide.

The trio and Geeny were sitting in the common room.

"I told Romilda Vane that you've got an "I love Nike" tattoo," she told Harry.

"I Got Soul But I'm Not A Soldier."

"Eh?"

"Harry, I have some info regarding the Prince," Hermione said.

"Really? Well I have some info regarding Oprah Windfrey and Dr.Dre."

"Anyway. Look, I've even got a picture," she said.

"Whoa!! Ye Gads!! She's hot!!" said Harry.

"WHAT?????!!!!!!!!" said an infuriated Geeeny.

"I meant to say ugly."

Suddenly Deppforever appeared.

"But it's just the price I pay, destiny is calling me, open up my eager eyes, I'm Mr. Brightside," she sang while doing the coco jumbo dance and simultaneously setting her cats tail on fire.

Just then, Johnny Cash appeared and gave Harry a letter from Doubledork.

_Ssup ugly?_

_How's ure chick? I must say, she's quite fat and repulsive. Nothing like Fawkes of course. Fawkes is perfect. Fawkes is my sexy bird. I love Fawkes. Me and Fawkes shall…………ahem… anyway. Come over to my office and bring some cash… I ordered pizza._

_DD_

"Hey! Your name is Johny Cash. Does that mean you have cash?" Harry asked. He started guffawing like a pure idiot on drugs.

"That was corny. You're a pure idiot on drugs y'know that?" said Ron.

Harry was walkin to DD's office when Trelawney went flying across the corridor singing "KKK Took My Baby Away". Her head was oval from drinking all that booze.

"No apologies, no suckers I'm not sorry you can all sue me, ya'll could me the cause of me,"

"Err Prof?" asked Harry tentatively." Why is your head oval?"

"B/c I've joined the oval-head club otherwise known as T.O.C" she replied.

Seth Cohen appeared.

"Hi. You guys mentioned the O.C? It's about time you guys mentioned us and let the story crossover," he said.

"Actually we said T.O.C not THE O.C," said Harry.

Luke appeared and Harry beat the crap outa him.

"Welcome to the H.P bich," he said.

Harry went to DD's office to find him sleeping with his teddy bear. He prodded DD awake.

"I don't wanna go to school. I don't need no education. I don't wanna be like you. I don't wanna save the nation."

"What?"

"Revelation by D12." Said DD.

"Ah."

"Ah?"

"Ah!"

"Aha."

"Who?"

"Uhuh."

"Because of,"

"Yeah."

"Bsiness Studies."

"Sure."

"Filipino."

"Wha?"

"Potatoes."

"Indeed?"

"I wanna sit on a hot pair of coals and smoke."

---Silence---

"Anyway Harry. I have found out the location of one of the horchuxes," said DD. "it's in Paris."

"Really? Where? The Louver? The Eiffel Tower?"

"Errr.. Disneyland actually."

"Oh."

Harry went back to the common room, gave the vial of fickle felicis to Ron, punched Dean on the way out and walked with DD to the 3 broomkicks.

"I'm under the Imperius curse.. Wohoooooooooooo."said Madam Rosmerta.

"Freako." Said DD.

They then apparated to a world of magic. A world of power and domination. A world of food. Great food. Lots of food. Oh the food. How I miss the food. If anyone does go to Disneyland Paris, be sure to go to a restaurant named Toads Hall Palace or something like that for fish n chips. It's awesome.

They were greeted by Mickey Mouse who was smoking weed.

"I am so hot despite having ugly big ears."

Harry ate candyfloss and died. DD fell from a rollercoaster and died. THE END….. No wait. To Be Continued….. (Dramatic Music).

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**A/N:**

**Hello my freaks… I only got TWO reviews for the last chapter!!!!!!!!!!!1 wat ???????? thts insane… it truly is.. yawn.. anyway… this chpter is for DEPPFOREVER who has so far reviewed all my chptrs … u rock.. luv ya…. As for the others…. Are u guys dead or smthn???? The next chptr Is gonna be awesome :D/ … anyway….. later.. keep reviewing…… oh an Sarah Tribbiani… u rock too ).. ………………. **

**Kruger the cat**

**The furry Cat**


	27. The Rave

Harry and Doubledork went to the cave…. The batcave.. wabhahaha.. aight not funny… DD looked around

"Waddya think?" he asked harry.

"About what?"

"My tattoo," said DD rolling up his sleeve an revealing a pigeon eating a baseball.

The duo swam like swans and reached the inside of the cave.

"Hmmm… looks like the wall needs some form of payment," said DD.

"How do you know?" asked Harry.

"It says so on the wall. Get glasses bych," said DD pointing to the wall.

Harry looked at the wall.

THIS WALL NEEDS A FORM OF PAYMENT. GET GLASSES BYCH.

So DD cut Harry's arm off and fed it to the wall. It opened revealing total darkness. Then it happened. They turned on. The lasers, the strobes, the fogs, the disco lights. There was a rave going on. Paris Hilton could be seen being escorted to prison. The dance floor was floating an a huge pitch black lake.

"We have to cross this," DD said.

DD walked an pulled some invisible chains and a boat appeared.

"How did you know?" asked a perplexed Harry (doesn't perplexed spound like purple an vexed??)

"I didn't," replied DD.

"But you jus…"

"I know,"

"But.."

"Because.."

"Whad?"

"Yup,"

"Eh?"

"Fiscal policy in an open economy."

"WTF?"

"I'm so cool cuz I'm from Timbuktu," said DD.

"Yeah well I don't have an arm," said Harry.

"Yeah well you have a lot of physical things, but lets not talk about that eh?" said DD.

They sailed towards the rave. A guy jumped on Harry.

"Jack Daniel's is the bomb," he hurled over Harry.

"DIE DIE DIE," said Harry burnin him.

Harry was wondering what lay beneath the water when he saw something swimming towards the surface.

"Oh no sir!! Somethings coming. Oh no… what is it? A kelpie? A slorgan? Inferi??"

"No you miserable lil twerp. It's Ariel the mermaid." DD said.

Ariel emerged.

"How you doin legless mamma? DD flirted with Ariel.

Sebastian the lobstaer appeared.

"Aaaariel. Your father will flip if he sees you. Oh My…. That man. He looks exactly like ure daddy. Same beard an all."

DD ate Sebastian.

Suddenly Artemis Fowl appeared with Butler.

"the LEP will be sorry jes like Opal Koboi," he said.

"Who the hell are you plae weird boy?" asked Harry.

"I'm the genius. Who are you…. Head Tattooed boy?" asked Artemis and he jumped into the lake.

They reached the island where they went to the basin to retrieve the locket.

"OH GOD!!!! Sir! Its full of some vile an sinister liquid!! What is it??? Oh god.. what is it??" moaned Harry.

DD tasted it….

"Its Ribena," he said.

He drank 12 glasses got the locket and the two were walking back to the boat when DD fell over in pain. His breaths were coming in short puffs. His eyes rolled wildly.

"HOLY CRAP!!! Whats wrong sir??"

"I gotta peee.." said DD.

Suddenly loads of Inferi appeared.

"We will only let you pass if you tell us what is 3 to the power of 3," they said.

"HAH!! Bych please.. I've done additional mathematics.. it's…… SIX!!!!" said DD.

"erm no .. that's 3 PLUS 3 you moron.. how are you the hero of this book? The Inferi said.

"Oh crap.. well ermm u see… aaah… oh no.. please plase don't kill me.. kill this old fool instead." Pleaded Harry.

"I'm dying in the next chapter anyway," said DD.

"Bloody show-off."

The Inferi started dancing rather vulgarly to smack that and DD and Harry ran.

"Don't worry sir, I'll apparate us both back," said Harry.

---Silence—

"I said DON'T WORRY SIR, I'LL APPARATE US BOTH BACK!!"

--Silence—

"Oy. Mcbeardy. This is the part where you say "I'm not worried Harry because I'm with you"", said Harry.

"What? Oh hell no!! Am I mad? No way. Knowing you, you'l probably apparate us to Burkina Faso or The All Ladies Strip Joint in Albania," said DD.

"bearded moron," said Harry.

Harry dumped DD and apparated away..

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**AN :**

**Hello my reviewers readers and ravers… how goes it all… sorry for the HUUUUUUUUGE delay.. ok HUUUGE is an understatement.. its beeen a yr P**

**Couldn't be bnohthered to write this yr plus I had my A levels an all.. but now ive got vacations an plan to update frequently provided I get lots of reviews.. this chapter goes to my lil cousin atif who shifted to London….. yes yes bych.. go have fun without me…. But send me lots of stuff ) have fun all … **

**Happy reviewing**

**Kruger the THE**

**THE the the …. /**


	28. The Lightning Struck Hour

They arrived at Hogs-maid. Doubledork was weak.

"Harry, I want you to," wheezed a weak Doubledork.

"Yes sir?" said Harry

"I want you to,"

"Anything sir, anything,"

"To."

"??"

"To… DANCE"

So together they danced the coco jumbo to the top of the astronomy tower where the Dark Mark hovered. They heard footsteps coming.

"Avada Kedavra"

Harry died.

"Whoa!! You were supposed to immobilize me. Not kill me." said Harry

"Shut up ! You're dead." DD said.

Palfoy walked in.

"Ssup homie gee." Said DD.

"I've got you unarmed but I won't be able to kill you because im a wimp," said Palfoy.

"I know," said DD.

"Eh? How?" asked a perplexed Palfoy.

"I've read the book," said DD.

"Oh. I wanna see mickey mouse. Haven't watched cartoons in ages." Said Palfoy

" I know what you mean you ugly pale thing that walks. I wanna watch tom n jerry. It's been ages.' – DD

"Ermm.. why the hell is this chapter called the lightning struck HOUR?" asked Harry.

"Excuse me. We are having a mature and interesting conversation. Do not disturb us," said Palfoy.

"Yeah bitch you're dead. How many times will I tell you? Man the authors been swearing a lot lately. "Said DD.

The clock struck 11pm and lightning struck the hour hand of the clock.

"There you go. That's why its called the lightning struck HOUR," said DD.

"That is pathetic." said Harry.

"I know. But the author had nothing else to write." said Palfoy.

Serious Flack appeared.

"The devils are inside the walls." He said.

"Aaah. I think you're a bit confused mate," said DD.

"Why? Ain't I in this chapter?" said Serious.

"Er. You aint in this book." Said DD.

"Yeah you were killed in the previous book. I was so upset. I cried into my pink and yellow handkerchief for 5 hours," said Palfoy.

"Daim. An I thought Harry was gay," said DD.

"HEY!!"

"Oh shut it. YOU. ARE. DEAD. YOU. STUPID. UGLY. FREAK. OF. NATURE." Said DD. "Whoa. I might have some unresolved childhood anger."

Serious became a cup full of cup and cupped away (this story is determined not to make sense. Like EVER ) .

"There are Breath Eaters here tonight. I got them here. I'm so clever. I'm so intelligent. My brain is like awesome yo." Said Palfoy.

"Yeah. What did you get in ure S.A.T?" asked DD.

"Umm. Five." Said Palfoy.

"Come to the right side Draco. We can protect you," said DD.

"No. he'll kill me." Said Palfoy.

"We have an X-box 360."

"I'm in."

Breath Eaters arrived.

"DD wandless. Awesome yo." Said Amycus. He became 50 cent and rapped away.

"Yo, DD is wand-less and he's goin to die,

I know cuz ive read the book man im so fly,

Harry's hidden invisible somewhere in this room,

That's why my friends there's an extra broom."

"Erm actually there is no broom. We came here dancing." Interrupted DD.

"OH. Do you people ever stick to the book. Better yet, the story line?" asked Amycus.

Sniped walked in/

"We have a problem Sniped. The boys a wimpy wompy wampy wussy."

"Severus."

This voice scared Harry beyond anything he had gone through tonight (even though he was dead).

"Severus please…. Don't eat me."

"WTF? You don't say that. You guys aint sticking to the book. I bet somewhere J.K.Rowling is cursing the crap outa you lot," said Sniped.

DD pushed Sniped who died.

"I'm supposed to kill you. Not the other way around you old senile goat." Said Sniped.

"Yeah,' said Harry.

"Why is it that you dead people are talking so much in this chapter?" asked DD.

"True dat hommie," said Amycus.

"Muiahahahahah," laughed DD. He had a heartattack and died.

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**A/N:**

**Hey hey hey…. I be back again….. sadly since I stopped writing I get no more than 3 reviews. Sad sad day. Anyway. HP order of the phoenix ios out an I wanna watch it badly.. like really badly.. it made 12million bux overnight. An around 8 days till deathly hallows…**

**This chapter goes to STRANGE FOREVER the only one who reviewed my old chapters and is still here after my year long break… u guys rock… **

**Kruger the Sink**

**The NSYNC**


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